It makes me kinda hopeful about Life...about Love...Just takes time...

"You remind me of her", "You're humble, just like her", "You have the same spirit about you...like her." The second child of every generation has a similarity; eyes, smile, face, ears, whatever you see in us some say had the same feature of my cousins or our grandfather. I just reminded of that the day of my prom...and then the day of my graduation....and even today I am reminded of the face of the family before me...the ones that left too soon. Don't get me wrong, I am upset of this fact. Especially, if you had met my cousin Giovanna or my cousin Gisella. They both had a free spirit, happy and joyous wherever they were. Down to dirty sweatpants, I still hold a grim reminder of what once was. My aunt today said, "You remind me of Giovanna whenever she was always down. She would have her hair a mess wearing t-shirt and sweatpants..." My mind flickered to that lazy day when I went upstairs to see her in her light grey sweats and a purple tee. With a smile on her light colored face and rosy cheeks. It scares me to think about that. That I hold a fade similarity to her. There's only one difference about her and me: She was far stronger then I can ever be. I sometimes wonder how it would have been...if she didn't go in at all, if that attack did not happen and instead....I was gone. Would it make a difference? Would Life have been better if I wasn't around? Now, do not be mistaken. I am not depressed, simply wondering about everything and nothing. I just think...if she didn't go...*sighs* Giovanna and me are two different people...sadly I did not have a chance to see if this statement is true or not. I never truly knew my cousin...and now I wish I did. The last time I ever got to be with her was when she was tweezing my eyebrows. That was the beginning of me taking care of my appearance...we didn't talk much that day because if you know me, I can find a good enough topic to speak about. I think that was probably the only thing I can regret...never speaking with her...and now the smile that once lit up our home is gone...and somehow, I have become a faint reflection of her. A smile, a thought, a laugh...I somehow display a tiny part of her. Should I be happy about it or sad? Happy that I can make my family happy...or sad that I am just a memory of what once was...Whatever the case maybe it scares me. What fate is in store for me?

(The park was empty, the sun beginning to set as the camera focuses on a young girl in her late teens, sitting on a bench as she agrues with a young boy about the same age.)

David: If I'm such an idiot, an unfeeling bastard for leaving you, then answer me this: why did you even come back?
*Ella look to the ground. Sighs and replies with a very somber tone*
Ella: Simple. To tell you this : I loved you. That's the thing about love that no one seems to understand. When you are in love...you are blinded. You don't care about their flaws, their past...even their lies.
*glares up at him, tears welling up*
Ella: I fell in love with you, David. Perhaps it was after so many times of hearing you say it to me...maybe it developed on its own, I don't know. But no matter how many times I've cried for you, because of you, I still wanted you near me. I still wanted to be with you. I never understood why until you left me...It was because I loved you. I couldn't do anything without you flashing in my head. Your words, your smile and then your ridiculous way of cutting me out of your life. By a fucking instant message...over a fucking im, David! I was a wreck...broken by another rejection from you...
*softly chuckles the pain*
Ella: My trust in love was gone. The ridiculous fairy tale of falling in love was gone. I couldn't believe...I didn't want to believe anymore...it wasn't worth it anymore...That died the day you left me. Everything I thought to be true was another lie created by you!
*Ella's tears flowing freely now. She sat down on a nearby bench and stared at him for a small period of time, waiting for his reaction. There was so much fire in her eyes; pain,anger,love, and pity were exposed with that one stare*
*David becomes dumbfounded at her anger*
*Ella covered her face and begins to sob*
Ella: *sound slightly muffled by her hands* But I still loved you...I still wanted you to come back. As much as I tried...I could never hate you...and when I did, it was because you took away any happiness I had when I loved you...then I realized that you never loved me, David. You never wanted me. *Lifts her head up and looks at David with indifference* You just told me anything I wanted to hear so you can feel better about yourself. So you don't feel guilty for what you were about to do. You can not love anyone, David. Even if you tried, you can't. You realized too late what you did wrong and you don't even try to fix it. Not even your first love, did you even care about. Not even for the girl you left me for will you ever love. The women you were heartbroken for, you crawl back to. The girl in front of you who loved you, for cared for you as you were, you leave so easily and willingly.
*Ella gets up from the bench and walks closer to David, he backs away slowly believing she might do something.*
You only love yourself. You love the feeling you get, you love the happiness that you receive. You love to be loved, to be in love. And when you are not happy anymore, when it becomes an obligation....you run away to 'something better.' And when you finally realize what you do and how to fix it...it will be too late....and you will have no one beside you. You're just a little boy playing house now. Going back to your apartment from a hard day's work, kiss your girlfriend and do whatever is needed. You were never a man, David...*turns her back on him, beginning to walk away* You just know how to play one.
David: *gets angered by her comment*  Play one?! I pay bills, I work, I do whatever I have to do because I am an adult! I am a MAN! You're just fucking pissed off because I couldn't give you what you wanted, that I wasn't there for you every fucking day when I was working my ass off. I did every I can to see you, I sacrificed everything, I fought to head over there to see you and you're telling me that I only care about myself?! Come on, Ella. Be realistic for once, please. Quit with the dramatics.
Ella: Do you fess up to your mistakes? Can you honestly say I love you to Stephanie without making a face?Can you look to her and be honest about the other girl you've been with while you're dating her? Or how about the many times you've been with me, touched me, kissed me, and still tell her 'I want to be with you' like that little IM you gave me? Have you told her that you had feelings with me and be in my own house while she called you to find out where you were? Do you recognize what you do wrong or how you hurt people or do you run away and just say that you're in love with her, that you're a man and you can do what you fucking please?
*David faces another direction*
Ella: Exactly. You.Are.Not.A. Man. A man learns from his mistakes, he doesn't repeat them. A man loves his mate without lying, he says it with true and sincere words and actions. A man thinks of others first before he thinks in himself. A man does pay bills and is an adult because he knows his responsibilities and doesn't step on anyone so he can get what he wants.  He thinks with the lump three feet above his ass and not his dick.I was stupid to believe that you could ever be one of those things. You never learn David...and you never will. As time went on, I learned to heal the wounds you caused me. But I couldn't fall in love again...you caused enough damage to me that I couldn't allow someone else to do the same...then Aiden came along. *softly smiles* He made me better. He made me believe again. He told me he loves me and meant it. He does everything that you can never do. He is a man. He told me once that he never believed that someone can leave another broken like that, lie to them so easily, if they truly loved them. He was right...that's when I realized what you really were...
David: *aggravated* So why are you here? To rub in my face how much of a fuck-up I am? How much I made you suffer? What? So you can be happy now and send me on a guilt trip? Make my life more of a living hell then it already is?
Ella: I'm not doing any of those things....I'm getting married next year. I wanted to start fresh with my future husband. I don't want any hate or any negativity in me anymore because if I didn't, I'd be tainting my marriage with Aiden. And so, I'm giving it back to the person who gave it to me: You. Also to tell you to grow up, David. Learn from what you've done and the pain you've caused. I forgive you, David...I don't hate you, I don't wish you any ill will and I don't wish you to be unhappy....Grow, Learn and Be Happy...That's all I ask of you.
Aiden: * calling out from a distance*  Ella! Ella! Babe, where are you? It's time to go, it's getting late!
Ella:  *turns to the direction she's being called from*  I'm coming! *turns to face David and gets closer to him, reaches to touch his face*
*David backs away more and then welcomes her touch*
Get better, David. Goodbye forever...I hope we never cross paths again.
*Ella walks away, sighs deeply and wipes away the fresh tears that roll down*
*David is left alone, feeling empty and exposed. He doesn't have any lies to help him now...and he doesn't have the truth to comfort him either. He walks away, Ella's words repeating in his head: 'You'can't love anyone...Everything that I thought to be true was just another lies created by you...you never learn David, and you never will...'Tears flow down David's cheeks...*
*Ella finds Nikolas waiting for her, with his hands in his pockets and smiling when he sees her*
Aiden: So, are you ready? What took you so long, eh?
Ella: Yeah...I'm ready now. Nothing...just needed to settle something...
Aiden: Ok, *wraps his arm around her waist* Chinese tonight or do you want me to cook?
Ella:...Uh...I don't want to eat charcoal tonight, thanks.
Aiden: The food wasn't burned! It was well cooked...kinda...Ok, it was badly burned but you're not a five star chef either.
Ella: Hey! You ate my rice and my chicken.
Aiden: That was KFC chicken, don't lie.
*Ella and Aiden laugh as they continue to walk, writing a new beginning for Ella...*

Yeah...the scenario was stuck in my head...I had to get it out. This seems to be my best medicine so I'm happy.

I softly moaned out his name as I felt his hands roam under the covers. It felt foreign to me, having him near me after his long absence. "I’m always with you, Love..whether you hear me, feel me, or see me." He whispered in my ear, knowing all too well that what he was doing made me his. The coldness of his hands on my bare stomach, made me shiver, of excitement, of happiness and of pleasure. I turned to face him. His beautiful light eyes pierced through mine. He saw right through me, my pain, past, and everything I never revealed to others...not even myself. He smiled his mischievous smile, the one that always made me melt. " You have no idea what you do to me..." I said, breathing heavily from the heat we were both sending from each other. His soft lips becoming leaving trails on my neck down to my base of my chest. " Oh, you have no idea what you do to me...I’m in heaven when your body is near me." I groaned. Damn it, he’s good. I have no clue why...I hate my body. " I love your body. Every. Single. Damn. Part." He said, stopping on each word to kiss each part of my body. A small giggle escaped my lips. He stopped for a moment, wrapping his arms around my body, lowering his ear to hear my heartbeat while I was brushing my fingers through his soft hair. " How is it lately?" He asked. I smiled thoughtfully. He took care of me every shape, way and form. " It’s better. Now that you’re here with me. You fixed me in a way. You got me to be myself again, maybe even bolder then I was before...well...maybe not bolder but I feel like myself again..." I chuckled, my hand stroking his soft cheek.
" I didn’t do that, Ella. You did that on your own. All you needed was time. It scared me to see you the way I first saw you. You seem empty, dead even. You hardly smiled, your laughter faded after a few seconds...and then your attacks." His voice trailed off, sounding still so beautifully and rugged. Soft, husky, silky...heavenly...words are not enough to describe the melody of his voice floating into my ears.
I shuddered at the mere memory of it. I did remember, very well actually. I wasn’t myself anymore. I felt so numb. So broken inside. I let it get the best of me. As quickly as it came, it left just the same. Then this beautiful man came along. He unwrapped one of his arms, only to brush his hand against my cheek. I didn’t realize until he wiped away one of my tears that I was even crying.
" If I had the chance I would kill the son of a bitch that did that to you but you didn’t say anything. You just opposed it. You didn’t want him to hurt...you actually didn’t want the person who hurt you, who practically left you for emotionally dead, to feel pain...I’m still amazed on how wonderful and noble you can be."
I rolled my eyes, "That's not being noble, I simply perfer having you with me instead of having a set of bars between us, thank you. He...he isn't worth it..." The memories of my happiness with him, the laughter...his lips...then the pain returned and I remembered the negative of being with him. The tears, the loneliness...I cleared my throat, choking back tears before they pour out. " I wanted to...I did hate him...I even wanted to see him in pain, to suffer the same I did maybe even worse...but then I realized that the reason I wanted that was because I loved him still...sadly, I will always love him...he was my first...but h-he didn’t love me back...he just didn’t love me...and he never will. Not even in the slightest to say he remembers me...I couldn’t live with that, thinking that the person I wanted to share my moments with-" I paused, attempting to steady my breath, my wounded pride and heart. " With... he didn’t want to with me."
He sighed, hugging me tighter. His hazel eyes were shut. I felt how badly he wished he took away my past. He wanted so badly to help me forget. Forget everything, him, the pain, the broken pieces that couldn’t be replaced. He kissed the space between my breasts. He placed his lips gently upon my skin, softly, aware of my fragile heart.
He moved higher, to the nape of my neck and simple whispered, "Ella."  He had no words left on the matter and neither did I. I didn’t know what else to say. I lost the battle of my wounded heart. The only cure I had was time and the man by my side right now. I never thought I would get here. That I would find someone who could love as hard as me. I lower myself to his bare chest. Warm and smooth, as if he was a blanket. He was my blanket, my strength...my love. I heard the beating his heart. A hummed lullaby, that drifted me to sleep as the blinding sun entered unexpectingly in my room. " Time to wake up, Love...I’ll be right here when you get back..." His words faded into the morning. I rubbed my eyes, waking up with an empty space beside me....I sighed, hugging my pillow tighter and wishing to return back to sleep. Back to him. He was gone...his face, his eyes became a blur each time I woke up and yet...his touch, his lips and his smell penetrated my memory and stayed there until the next time I saw him.

NOTE:
Lol, *shrugs**brushes hairback* In all honesty, I really have no words to what was going through my brain. This is what I felt and saw...or vaguely saw. *sighs* He’ll come back to me again...Nikolas or whoever it was...literally the man of my dreams...

I have no clue...only I know is I'm WRITING!! I'm so happy!

Red(Me): you should, it would be fun
Blue(Friend): i shall
Red(Me): *nods* yay
Blue(Friend): wordd
Red(Me): Heehee that's right homie!
Blue(Friend): yeah playaaa
Red(Me): Yeah biatch! *mumbles* I dunno...
Red(Me): lol
Blue(Friend): lol
Blue(Friend): we so hip
Red(Me): Booyah baby! yes, we certainly are. *passes grey pu pon* With your biscuit, my dear?
Blue(Friend): *rolls on floor* lolollll
Blue(Friend): of course! *dips cracker in tea*
Blue(Friend): can i pour you some more?
Red(Me):Yes please, mi'lady. Two sugars
Blue(Friend): *plop plop*
Red(Me): thank you ever so much
Red(Me): *drinks tea with pinky up*
Blue(Friend): of course! *curtsy*
Blue(Friend): lol
Red(Me): lol
Blue(Friend): i love us.
Red(Me): i do too

My Friend and I are nuts. Lol, yes Peanuts